Owl For President

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Using the Corporate model to solve our Family issues

Often, when watching Republicans talk, I hear "We need to balance the budget because our family has to live within one, and so should any entity, including the government. Government is a business, and like a family, must live within it's means."

Ok. well, thank you. I was confused as to how to run things in my personal life, which is inevitably influenced by and affected as a result of the government. Having considered it, I now realize that I should treat my family and friends like members of a corporation.

From now on, I will view families as companies and my views shall be radically affected by economic as opposed to humanist theories. As a result, here's some advice for folks with large families:

1.If money is getting tight, rather than scrimping on things like movies for yourselves (and maybe your husbands/wives), instead, give the kids less food for lunch. If you have a lot of kids, and they start complaining, cut off the kid that instigates the complaints the most and simply stop feeding him.

2. Regardless of how much they have done, contributed, acted honestly or done their homework, inform your 16 year olds that you need to streamline the family to obtain "more productive hours" and that they can opt for 100 dollars, leave forever and cease attending family functions, or accept half as much food for now, and pay rent, or find themselves out on the street in the former situation. Remind them that, regardless of what they have done or have agreed to, it is your prerogative to disown them at any time.

3.Demand sex from your husbands/wives based on a contractual obligation, rather then "spiritual communion."

4.When things are getting tight, inform your neighbors you are having a "family investment" meeting, in which they can buy stock in your family. Forget about loans, in this strategy, you simply imply to your neighbors that if they invest 10 bucks right now, they MIGHT make 2 more dollars by the end of a calender year! Or, they might lose 4 dollars: who knows!

5.commit crimes that enrich your family, and when the police come, simply announce, "we all did it." And you will be released and pay no fines personally! some examples:
a.Dump oil into the sewer outside your house, polluting the water with viscus oil. When the cops come, say, "we all did it," and invoke your right to Limited Liability.
b.Steal money from the neighbors' piggy banks, when the cops come, say, "the thefts were made at the behest of a family committee, we were simply following our roles as they had been established by the corporate contract contained within marriage."
c.Having followed #4, take that money and give 60% of it to charity, and then declare that you don't owe any taxes! After all, all that money people "invested" in you is money you EARNED (by your slick talk), and so, you DESERVE to not pay taxes by giving it to some "charity" that actually gets barely 20% to the needy parties, the rest going to the folks that run the place, their landlords, etc.

6.When it looks like it's going to be hard to pay both for food and rent and medical bills for all the kids, inform your kids that from now on, if they are not in the house 18 hours of every day, working harder than their European counterparts at their chores , they lose parental health care benefits. In fact, make them co-pay now, and make sure that it is their allowance PLUS a few dollars from their current job outside the house.

See? If we just apply Corporate philosophies to our families, we may come out with a few fewer kids, some angry ones and a few unfair imbalances in terms of fun and entertainment, but so what? I'm sure the same goes for the reverse: applying family values to corporate financial structures is a valid and efficient formula for economic revitalization. NOT.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Primary Shmimary...The later the better

Having a primary would give the Right-wing controlled media the ability to make fun of at least four democrats every night. Forget it. The media is controlled by the right in the sense that it does not tend to educate, but to PLAY TO the masses. Since they have no democrats, they have become cannibals, attacking their own candidates. The big, emotion chasing media that is fascinated with Hitler, Nazis, murderers, war and crime thrives also on innuendo, and if you run for office, you are literally offering your name up as a sacrifice to be lied about, demeaned and libeled on. This generally works in the right-controlled media to question the MANHOOD of Democratic candidates. Think about the most visceral images of failed Democratic primary candidates: Mike Dukakis in a tank (subtext: not a real warrior), Kerry in Vietnam: (subtext: not a real warrior), Ted Kennedy (subtext: didn't "own up" to his crime, not a "real" man). Now, without any Democrats to attack, this pathetic attack machine is left with nothing but Republicans, and just look at how they treat them! They are up against the wall...The entire pack of their preferred candidates are so dingbat/wingnut crazy, that just reporting on their antics is an embarrassment. Having to explain/excuse D's in math and econ? Having to directly report on someone announcing that the last storm was an Act of God supporting Republican policies? Having to report that your heroes are denying aid to folks in hurricane zones over ideological mumbo-jumbo? There is just NO democratic anchor to grab onto and to report on that "gives equal balance" to the story. These guys are desperate for a democratic primary; one in which they can report that "candidate B walks his dog a "little too late at night" for my tastes." And other such nonsense. Instead, they follow their inclinations, find as much dirt as they can on their OWN candidates because they have no one else to attack, and they are built around ATTACKING. They don't know any other mode of existence. So, be thankful there is no primary, that Obama/Biden will simply rule for 7.5 years, before they are displaced by even more evil and equally unknown players on the world stage.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Nazism defined: Not exactly Israeli policy

Nazis: different than authoritarians, democratic centralists, absolute monarchists, and oligarchic narco-lords.

Nazis believe in:
1.Immediate and total annihilation of the sub-human races, starting with those that are crippled, diseased or homosexual, and moving on to the Gypsies and the Jews. Next, the Slavs and the Eastern Europeans, the "mud people," followed up by Africans. Why? For Lebensraum: "Elbow room" for the Superior race: the Germans/Nordic race (Aryan).

2.Complete domination of the Euro-Asian land mass, preferably in one lifetime, in order to establish a 1000 year reign of Aryan Supermen, who's existence trumps reason, morals or religious convictions of any sort.

3.Mechanizing the complete extinguishing of races within MONTHS. Achievements so far with this methodology: .5 million Gypsies, 5 Millions Russians, 1 Million Poles, Six Million Jews, all extinguished to the point of significant %'s within the span of 30 months.

4.Total (totalitarian) domination of EVERY media mechanism in society with transgressions against state information punishable BY DEATH. Complete isolation of radio broadcasts from "foreign" sources, along with all print media. Book burning en mass, and the assassination or imprisonment of artists deemed "corrupt" by the Party.

5.Complete abrogation of elected authority, in favor of dictation from the Fuhrer. Total and complete acceptance of Adolph Hitler as your Lord and Savior, to the point of adopting Teutonic rites in lieu of Christian ones.

‎6.Summary justice for ALL citizens, non jury "trials," without defense or access to witnesses, right up the ladder to the Fuhrer's best friend.

Yes, Israel is by any standard a misguided democratic state, but to bandy about terms like "Nazi" to describe what amounts to a great deal less then what the US has perpetrated on Iraq, seems out of hand. Israel is, like the US, an aggressive democratic state. To try to mix the violence associated with that sort of state with "Nazism" is somewhat simplistic, as there is none of the above occurring within the actual population of Israel, or, for that matter, in Palestine in any appreciable way. Forgive us for parsing words, but I think Nazis have their own very SPECIAL place in hell, and we don't need to be giving them any more air time.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

A typical Tea Partier:

1.Thinks that 9/11 was an "inside job," but fail to realize, if this is true, the "insiders" were GW and Cheney.

2.Believe that the rich and their wealth (1-3% of the US population), are more important then the Poor and their health (80% of the US population)

3.Receive benefits like Workman's Comp, Medicaid and food stamps (65 million families got them in the US this week), yet call those that fight to keep these programs "socialists."

4.Are jealous of workers that can keep their jobs because of unions, while they fear for their job loss, and can't figure out that that is why they should join a union.

5.Calls earned benefits "entitlements," and refuses to acknowledge that the money is put in their by the same people that receive it through payroll taxes and other government fees. In fact, what TP'r's are really saying is they want to STEAL the government administered savings of the middle and poorer classes, and hand that money to the richest 3%.

6.Thinks that evolution is a crock, science is useless, and that all important questions of science, politics or economics can be resolved with the Bible, while living in a society produced by secularists and agnostics, who's very JOB was to doubt anything they are told, which creates things like flight and radio, both of which were declared impossible and demonic at earlier points in history.

7.Waves a pistol around, declares that the 2nd is the most important amendment (clearly, the first and 5th amendments are not very interesting to this crowd), produces image after image of gun-sites, targets, lotteries of guns being sold (this week in Maricopa county, where Giffords was shot) that are the same as that that killed their enemies (and other innocents), all the while claiming that democrats are "violent" and yet unable to produce one image or story of a democratic rally in which someone actually even had a gun. In fact, I would challenge TP'r's to produce one image of democrats waving guns around at a rally in the last 20 years.

8.Entirely misses the point of brotherhood, Christianity and national unity in favor of bile-soaked invective directed at old ladies and babies. Has never met a political opponent he/she does not wish to personally insult. Has little knowledge of civility either on forums or in public, and for all their talk about Jesus, would not allow a person into their home unless properly introduced.